Confessions of a Military Wife....

OK - so this is a hard time. And as with all hard times, there's never that "right" thing to say to someone right? I hate that feeling, when someone's going through something I don't understand and I have no idea what to say. I've had several things said to me (which I don't really care) but I feel I get very protective of other military wives going through the same thing and something awfully insensitive is said to them. It's a very lonely time, no matter what kind of support group you have. You can engross yourself with work, which is a pain that makes me forget the other pain, you can surround yourself with a various activities, playdates, etc., but there is still something just "missing." And its hard, because you can't move on. You're still in a relationship, but its like the part that makes relationships beneficial (the other person) is missing. So, top 10 things not to say...

1.) "Well, you married them. You must have known what this was going to be like." (um, ok..that's like telling someone planning to have kids someday that they will know exactly what it will be like when that little one comes along - and frankly, you have no idea until you go through it.)

2.) "Oh - Only 6 months? That's not very long." (I actually heard this said to someone with a baby, and even without a baby, its starting to feel like forever.)

3.) "Oh, I'm so excited for them! What an adventure for them to have!" (We wives don't want to hear how great this experience will be for our husbands, or vice versa. Yes, we are very proud of them, but we reserve the right to think that the greatest adventure our spouse will have is at home with us.)

4.) "I would kill for someone to take my husband away for a while." (Yes, we know you are trying to be funny, but on that same note - can you husband then switch places with mine?)

5.) "Well, maybe this will make you appreciate each other more when he gets home, and learn not to take each other for granted." (Um...ok. I'm so glad you thought I needed to learn that lesson. I didn't think I took him for granted in the first place, but thanks for your imparted wisdom)

6.) "Well, now that's he's gone - You can just throw yourself into work and work even more hours." (Great, my husband's gone, and now I have to work even more...)

7.) "You should feel blessed that you live in the time period you do and can email, try living in the 1940's when they lived through letters." (Did you live through the 1940's? Have you ever had an "email" relationship? Until you have, keep your mouth shut. It's still hard.)

8.) This really isn't a phrase - but don't get mad at the wife when she doesn't know every detail of her husband's life over there - so don't ask repeated questions about what the "spouse" does on a day to day basis - remember "email" relationship. And..for security reasons, we don't know.

9.) Another non phrase - don't cry to the wife that you miss the "deployed person." It's ok to miss them, but that's probably not the person to be saying it too. We're doing our best to keep our own strength and face every day with a smile, we can't be your strength as well.

10.) Well, at least this isn't a "bad" war. (I've never heard of a good war - have you?)

So - if someone posts on facebook that their husband just left or if they come to talk to you with their hard time, just say, "I'm so sorry, is there anything I can do? And I'll be thinking of you." That's all you need to say.